Relationships

The Home of our Connections with Others

When I read David Whyte's post “Relationship”, I started wondering if I wanted to use the word “Relationship” in my Substack Name. At the time I read his post, I hadn’t launched yet. I am a Relationship coach and talk ALOT about relationships…, and I respect him.

Our relationships are the home of our connections with others - those we love and have loved, those who are distant memories, those we mourn because we thought they would be epic and they ended up being ordinary and disappointing, those who hurt us in small and big ways, broke our heart or left us feeling worthless. In my life, I also include people I meet casually - someone waiting on me at a restaurant or clothing store, the person I speak with when I go to the post office or the bank regularly, the woman who waits on me at the dry cleaners… and even the online customer service people I speak with when I’m buying or return something online.

Our relationships create our sense of community. My focus on Relationships is about the skills we have developed in navigating our relationships. Most of us don’t have healthy relationships modeled (I did in many ways through my mother), but I didn’t know how to be a loving partner until after I married at age 49.

I mention this frequently to encourage people who have given up on love. I’m not saying “Follow my journey,” but if you want to have love, it’s probably a good idea to develop healthy relationship skills and that means that you must do something different that what you are doing now. And it’s definitely better to learn relationship skills before you really need them!

Our current culture is missing kindness. And for many of us, we may forget kindness when we don’t get what we want from others.

Here are some ideas for how to create kinder relationships in your life.

1. Ask for what you want. People in your life are not mind readers, even if you have told them what you want in the past (even if you told them a thousand times).

2. Forgive the people who disappoint you. Life’s too short to be resentful.

3. Thank the people you care about for what they did for you, rather than criticize what they did not do. This is critical in your committed relationship and family members. Next time, be specific about what you do want them to do. Don’t make them guess.

4. Treat everyone with kindness, not just the ones you want to impress. Thank people who wait on you in the restaurant, answer the customer service call, hold the door open for you.

5. Say “No” more. Most of us don’t say “No” and set boundaries enough. Remember, people are not mind-readers. If you don’t want to do what someone requests of you, tell them “No.” And you don’t need to explain. “I don’t have time to shop for you. I recommend you order from the online store. Here’s the link….”

6. Let go of the things that don’t serve you. Life is an experiment so your job in life is to figure out what makes you happy and doesn’t harm others. Smile and bring joy to yourself and others. NOTE: Saying “No” to other’s requests of you is not harming them.

QUESTIONS FOR YOU:

Which one of my suggestions is something you already do? Which suggestion have you tried and don’t like? OR Write something else that you’ve tried and it works for you!

One final thing:

I usually sign my notes or emails to people with the word “Warmly” especially if I don’t know them well or at all. I wrote “Love” below and then thought, maybe I should change it to “Warmly.” I decided not to change it. I do mean love even if I don’t know you. You are a human being on Substack. We are part of the same community. I hope we do connect in the future if we don’t know each other and maybe support each other.

Love,